Do you put your children in the middle? Are they often caught between your ex and you? This vicious circle can affect anyone, even the most self-aware and caring parents. You can start the healing process by examining how you may be vulnerable in putting your children in the middle. These are five common ways divorcing parents have inadvertently placed their children in the middle of their divorce. What can you do?
You can adjust your parenting schedule with the help of your children
Although it is a bad habit, it usually starts innocently. It may be easier to talk with your ex through your children, no matter how sincere your intentions. However, using your children to change your parenting schedule quickly puts your kids in the middle of the process and makes them the ones who will get your ex’s reply. Next time you feel like saying, “Let’s talk to your mom” or “Did your dad tell you Friday isn’t working?” Grab your phone and call your ex. You can call your ex or send an email or text message instead.
Ask about the relationship status of the other parent or their new marriage
Curiosity is a natural human trait. Your kids might be open to sharing the information with you, which is quite normal. It’s not the information you want, and it can be a way for divorced parents to put their children in the middle. If you need more information on a relationship to make your children feel at ease with your ex’s girlfriend or wife, it is better to contact them directly and ask. You can have a conversation about your concerns and get information that may help you feel more at ease.
Judging the decisions of other parents
Parents who are divorcing often judge each other. They may not do things in the same way as you, or they might be too controlling. No matter the reason and valid your concerns, don’t make a big deal about your ex-partner in front of your children. Remember that biting your tongue requires discipline and practice. Your children should have the freedom to express their opinions and not be fed negative comments about parents.
Expecting your children to know what you want is unrealistic
Your children can’t read your mind. Don’t expect your children to know exactly what you want. Instead, communicate with them directly what you want. This is a good habit for your whole life — for both you and your kids. It is a great way to let your needs be known, and it also removes any unrealistic expectations.
Choose the least convenient option for your ex
Another way that divorced parents often get their kids involved is by choosing the least convenient option. This is a way to cause trouble with your ex and often doesn’t work. It doesn’t cost anything to pick options that work for you and your ex. Sometimes, if you show your ex how to treat each other with respect, you will find that they are more open to the same treatment. Avoid putting your ex off from what is best for them. It’s better to keep the peace and have reasonable interactions with your ex.